Have you finally orgasmed yet?
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Randomize
