You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
Randomize
