I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
Randomize
