No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
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