i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
