how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
Randomize
