Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize