i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Randomize
