I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
