I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Randomize
