Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
I didn't notice because vodka
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
