Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
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