I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
