I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
I just gift wrapped bread.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
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