you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
