I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize