Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
I would ride that face into the sunset
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
Randomize