I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
Is Oprah even human
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
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