Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
