I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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