I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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