Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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