Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Randomize
