i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
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