I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Randomize
