We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
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