do herpes really smell.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
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