If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
Randomize
