We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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