my sisters under your porch take her home
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
