So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
I just forgot I was standing up.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
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