just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
Randomize
