well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
