So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
