your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
