She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
