I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
