He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Randomize
