I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
barbara walters just said penis...
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
Randomize
