can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
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