why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
