If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Randomize
