Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
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