Non-Jews are for practice
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
Randomize
