just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
i love accidental penises.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Randomize
