i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
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