I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Randomize
