goodnight i made you a song goodbye
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
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