Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
I'm sobbing to NWA
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
