I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
