Is it normal to miss your booty call?
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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