dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
Randomize
