My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize
