he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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