I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
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