omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
jump out the window naked night went bad
Randomize
