You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
Blow job season was short but glorious.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
