Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Randomize
