You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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