we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
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