When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Randomize
