I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize