listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
