My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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