yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize