capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
Randomize
