u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
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