where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
Randomize
